


Coffee and Clementines

by BubblegumDays



Category: DanPlan, actuallyoddplan
Genre: DanPlan - Freeform, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Sappy as hell, a little angsty, blood is rainbow because gay, first 3 chapters written pre drama, if anyone from danplan sees this and gets uncomfortable i will take it down, ooc everyone probably, slight blood, stosuh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-02-07 10:02:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21456223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BubblegumDays/pseuds/BubblegumDays
Summary: -He swore he forgot how to breathe when he saw a few bloodied, powder blue petals flit down to the damp metal.--Stephen takes too long to come to terms with his own feelings and the little garden blooming in his chest gets there first.
Relationships: Annabelle | Melodify & Hosuh Lee, Annabelle | Melodify & Stephen Ng, Gavin Ng & Stephen Ng, Hosuh Lee & Daniel Lim & Stephen Ng, Hosuh Lee & Stephen Ng, Hosuh Lee/Stephen Ng
Comments: 22
Kudos: 208





	1. Angel Feather Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhat inspired by:  
(instagram) ily._.daniel - hanahaki stosuh au  
&  
(twitter) groundriots - choking on roses - kiribaku hanahaki au
> 
> *Both of which are ten times better than this so rip  
**Most, if not all plot points are my own and aren't intentionally taken from anyone
> 
> \-----
> 
> The chronology of this chapter is a little odd but I'm gonna say it starts in roughly 2016-17 and finishes in 2019 (the rest will be less jumpy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **This was written pre-drama, all I did was add Gavin**

Stephen wasn't entirely sure how the other two had talked him into coming with them to 'help' plan another video in person when they all had the technological access to do such things remotely. But nevertheless, here he sat at a table that smelt as if it'd been cleaned recently with a notably citrusy cleaner that intertwined in the air with the scent of freshly ground coffee doing far less than the other two.

The cafe was small and the name on the sign adorning the storefront hadn't been one he recognised, interior mismatched in a strangely endearing way that you only find in indie cafes and bookstores, overhead lights shrouding the room in a honey-hued light that flickered ever so softly as if the wiring wasn't quite up to scratch.

Daniel sat in one of those worn gumwood chairs with a mock-vintage floral pattern to it typing something on his laptop, brows furrowed in frustration at the most likely very slow public wifi he was currently connected to. Nothing too interesting there.

And there _shouldn't _have been anything intriguing about Hosuh drawing with his tablet plugged into his own computer, but for what felt like the thousandth time since being properly acquainted with him, he became irrationally enthralled by him, watching the off-golden light glint in his diluted cornflower eyes.

No matter how hard he'd tried to put it into words even to himself he never could find quite an accurate depiction of how he felt in these unexplained moments of floatiness, but the closest he could get was saying all his senses faltered at once and he'd teleported straight up to heaven for just a moment.

As cheesy as that sounded, it was exactly how he felt in that moment. Yet no matter how much he tried to push such things down, they kept on coming back to clog up his throat with cotton and light a fire in his cheeks.

The first time it happened, it had been small, a pleasant warmth at the sound of Hosuh laughing at a joke he'd made that he never felt about anyone else, and even now it wasn't nearly as much as it'd grow to be in due time, but he wasn't yet used to it and new thoughts and feelings scared him in a way he'd never admit.

For now, he'd repress such things deep in his psyche, where no one would ever find them and he wouldn't have to confront them. They probably meant nothing anyway. Although, the slight discomfort in his chest that always brought him back down from those moments begged to differ.

Little did he know was that this was only the beginning, that the day they sat in that honey-tinted cafe that smelt like coffee and clementines would mark the unofficial page mark of the start of something much bigger than just the three of them.

-

Over time feelings built up and matured yet never once came within reach of fulfilment in the form of any level of understanding by their captive.

Another day a few months later Stephen had found himself lazily sprawled out on his back on Hosuhs bed staring up at the ceiling, listening to the soft patter of rain decorating the exterior windows with splashes of water and the vague sound of a stylus against a drawing pad, phone having slipped his grasp long ago.

"Hosuh?" He croaked out, pulling himself from his position atop the now not so neat bedspread and standing to stretch his limbs, barely catching the hum the other made in response, focused gaze not once leaving the screen in front of him "How much longer are you gonna be?"

The older of the two jumped slightly when the other slumped against his chair, resting his chin on the headrest and draping his arms over the back so they hovered just shy of making contact with his arms.

"Not long..." Hosuh mumbled bashfully, smiling up at him with a certain degree of that very same emotion that'd been plaguing the orchid haired boy for months now, a soft cotton candy flush to his cheeks in the light of his screen "Promise."

"You better." Stephen yawned, pushing himself back off the chair, taking the opportunity to mess up the others sloppily tied back graphite-coloured hair before falling back to where he'd been lying before.

Hosuh just grumbled something under his breath in response, half-heartedly fixing it back to something resembling how it had been a moment or so prior as his friend went on to do something on his phone.

As the conversation faded into something of the past Stephen remained oblivious to the slight stutter in work being done by Hosuh who had to take a moment to recover from the onslaught of that pesky angel-feather feeling they both remained in a state of denial about and Stephen tried to not let the ever-growing discomfort clawing at his lungs get to him.

There was a funny taste in the back of his throat, metallic as blood but having a certain tinge that didn't seem quite human, almost earthy from what he could tell. But by now he'd grown used to it, no longer questioning why breathing had become increasingly difficult as of late or how he sometimes smelled something floral in places where no such things were present.

As he'd been telling himself for at least a year by now; it was probably nothing.

-

"I think I should go now." Hosuh yawned, clearly already half asleep, almost dozing off right there and then with his head on his desk yet tired eyes remaining glued to the screen in the exact spot where Stephens webcam footage would've been, voice apologetic and almost timid "Sorry I can't stay awake as long as you."

"It's fine, now get some rest." He spoke with a fondness even he couldn't explain, a slight honey-glow to his cheeks he very much hoped the grainy camera couldn't detect "You have things to do tomorrow."

The older of the pair nodded, exchanging a few more goodbyes before disconnecting the call. Stephen went slack back in his chair, glancing around himself in search of anything to preoccupy himself but coming up with nothing that really piqued his interest.

He stood up, stretching his limbs with a somewhat concerning crack and looking to the clock in the corner of his computer monitor and finding the time was only just 1am, a time certainly not suitable for being as exhausted as he was, Stephen decided as he ventured to his kitchen.

By this point in his life, he knew how to make coffee and despite the slight disarray the room was in at that time, he still knew where everything was well enough to prepare such beverage to as decent of a standard you can get from dollar store instant coffee.

Once finished, he lifted the mug off the cluttered counter and took a small sip as to not burn himself, finding that it did, in fact, taste no different from the several others he'd had in the previous 24 hours.

But this brief moment of post-3-hour-phone-call bliss did not last, breathing ever so difficult all of a sudden, throat feeling as if it were being torn apart from the inside on a far more drastic scale that he'd experienced prior.

The sudden coughing fit wracked his form, jerking the cup in his all too tight grip, spilling hot liquid down himself and dropping the porcelain in shock, shattering into fragments on the tiles of his kitchen and soaking them with bitter liquid.

He didn't even have enough time to care about the fact he'd have to clean that up when this was all over, too busy trying not to literally cough his lungs up, leaning over the kitchen sink thinking what he felt creeping up his throat was something far more human than it was.

To say he was alarmed when blood splattered the not so shiny surface of the sink would've been an understatement, but he swore he forgot how to breath when he saw a few bloodied, powder blue petals flit down to the damp metal.

After the coughing started to subside Stephen could finally almost breath again, trying with any ounce of strength he still retained to steady himself back to reality, finally able to take in the even messier state his kitchen was now in.

He could still taste blood on his lips, not the most pleasant in his opinion but at least he could breathe now, glancing over to the mess of coffee and shards of china decorating his floor as well as the front of his shirt. Well that was just great, wasn't it?

Yet despite all this, he still found himself more inclined to stare down at the petals in his sink, glaring at them as if they'd just insulted his mother. They were tainted by the colourful hue of his own blood, but their original colour was still distinguishable.

He'd seen that precise pigment before, recently, if he recalled correctly, but he remembered it having a certain liveliness to it that something as beaten up as a crumpled petal that'd previously been clogging up his airways lacked.

What did this mean? Why was he coughing up flowers? Was this a one-time thing? Or was this his life now? Was he dying?

So many questions and so little answers, fishing his phone out of his pocket and debating on who to ask about this.

Sure he could've just googled it, but part of him didn't want the blunt truth that this could be a sign of his impending demise and thought that maybe someone he knew personally would put it in slightly lighter terms, maybe brush over it a little, rather than something that was far more likely to be true.

For a start, Hosuh was asleep so he was out of the question, Daniel would've probably just laughed at his misfortune, Jay was terrible when it came to fast replies and his other friends were probably either asleep or busy by now.

This left Gavin, someone who definitely wouldn't hesitate to make fun of him but there was a slight chance he would at least dare operate google unlike himself and thus his decision was made.

Stephen🔪 - 1:24am

{Hey,Gavin?

Are you awake?

I have a question.}

The was a few minutes before his response where he suspected he may have been lost to slumber at such an hour, resigning himself to changing out of his soaked clothes.

Gavin⚠️- 1:31am

{Why are you texting me at half 1 in the morning?

What on earth could have led to this?}

Stephen🔪 - 1:33am

{Do you know what it means to cough up flowers?

Am I dying?}

Gavin⚠️- 1:34am

{Oh...

So who is it then?

Who's the unlucky fucker?}

Stephen🔪 - 1:35am

{What?}

Gavin⚠️- 1:36am

{You really do know nothing lmao.

By the sounds of it, you have hanahaki disease

So you must have it _bad _for someone.}

Stephen🔪 - 1:36am

{I don't love anyone.

It must just be something else.}

Gavin⚠️- 1:37am

{If you wanna be stubborn about it, be my guest.

But don't blame me when you suffocate on flowers in your sleep.}

His following message was a screenshot of an article on some random website that was probably the first result to show up, reading as;

_Hanahaki Disease; Affects those caught in feelings believed by the victim to be unrequited. The victim may not notice that they have been inflicted for a number of months, sometimes even years, before the disease becomes a hindrance._

_A flowering plant grows in the lungs and will eventually show itself through causing the victim to cough its flowers up._

_If left untreated after what could be between 2 weeks to 3 months the victim will likely succumb to the plant completely clogging up their lungs._

_It can be treated through either an honest, both sided confession of genuine romantic love or surgery to remove the plant along with their capacity to feel romantic affection._

"Fuck..." Stephen muttered under his breath, staring down at his phone in disbelief as he quickly typed out a response to Gavin.

Stephen🔪 - 1:39am

{I don't love anyone.}

A lie even he knew better than at this point.

Gavin⚠️- 1:40am

{Well, clearly you do.

So who is it?

Do I know them?

Is it Jay?}

Stephen🔪 - 1:41am

{Ew, no.}

Gavin⚠️- 1:41am

{Daniel??}

Stephen🔪 - 1:42am

{I would rather gouge my own eyes out.}

Gavin⚠️- 1:42am

{Hosuh????}

And of course, he was correct this time which Stephen hated to admit. The heavenly flourish he felt every time their gazes met certainly couldn't be brushed off as platonic anymore now his lungs were stuffed with flowers. He couldn't live in complete denial anymore.

Stephen🔪 - 1:44am

{No.

He's my friend.}

Gavin⚠️- 1:44am

{Boyfriend, that is.}

Stephen🔪 - 1:45am

{He isn't.

I'm straight.}

Gavin⚠️- 1:45am

{Whatever you say, flower boy.}

Stephen sighed solemnly, turning his phone back off and groaning when his eyes landed back on the catastrophe that was his kitchen floor. He was going to have to clean that up, wasn't he?

Maybe he'd die like this, of choking on the flowers that now he thought back on it had probably been growing inside him for a while now. Long overdue if that really was the case.

It sounded so simple in theory to just get the surgery and be over and done with, but he knew deep down that meant no more clementine heavens whenever he saw those powder blue eyes staring back at him.

But he couldn't just tell him, Hosuh would hate him forever and he'd just end up dying sad and alone with no Hosuh for company.

For now, he'd focus on the task at hand, maybe he'd have figured out what he was going to be doing before he next saw Hosuh?

Only time could tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written anything as fluffy as this fic since I was still writing phan (no shade), good lord


	2. Ambient Autumn Afternoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't intentionally finish in time for a week after the first chapter, but here it is. I don't think I could ever remain at all consistent with a schedule, but the days of 3 months chapter gaps are long behind me (hopefully).

"You can't just live like this forever, Stephen..." Ann sighed, gaze wandering across the unisex bathroom tiles littered with cracks and stains she didn't even want to know the cause of, barely more than vague, dark shapes in the faulty, yellowed LED's "Literally. I don't mean to rush you, but I know you know how serious this is, you're bad at lying."

"No, it's fine. Gavin was just exaggerating." He spoke with a level of uncertainty, washing the last of those baby blue petals down the questionably clogged drain of the off-white sink, staring at his own reflection for a moment in the fractured mirror, finding he'd become considerably paler than last time he'd checked, evident even in the dim light, surely something their friends would notice "I'm not just going to let a crush kill me, it'll go away."

"That's a lie and we both know it." She sounded tired but not necessarily angry, pushing off the wall she'd been leant against and wandering over to stand beside him, staring up at him with an expression with so much concern woven into it that he was worried that her face would freeze that way forever "Either tell Hosuh you love him or kiss goodbye to loving him because I don't think any of us want you to die just yet."

"I don't think Jay would mind-" His attempt at lightening the mood was shot down by a harsh glare from Ann, sighing as he tried not to imagine what it'd feel like to choke to death on flowers brought upon him by someone who remained oblivious to them "I know, you're right... There's just no way he feels the same way and- I don't want to stop loving him..."

"You never know if you don't try." She offered him a weary yet genuine smile, turning on her heels and starting in the direction of the door they'd come in through, adjusting her pale bubblegum pink ponytails as she walked "We better find them soon or they'll leave without us."

"Yeah..." Stephen admitted, quietly trailing behind her at a distance, bracing himself for the day ahead as if it were a chore and not something he knew he wanted to do. He was just a little socially drained despite not having done anything too social since he'd started coughing up flowers mere days ago, that was all.

-

"So... What're we doing today, Daniel?" Ann chimed, slinking into frame with a cat-like grin adorning her features, disregarding her concerns for their other friend for just long enough to seem almost careless, knowing eyes meeting Daniels through the view-finder of the camera as they stood at the bustling train platform.

He sighed, glancing between her living, breathing figure and her counterpart reflected through the lens, already knowing what she wanted from him and knowing that she wouldn't let him get away without admitting to his obviously dastardly sins "We're going into town so I can replace Ann's shirt that I accidentally ruined in a video..."

She seemed satisfied with this shrugging nonchalantly but letting her bubbly nature shine through in her countenance, having no real reason to act any different, expression changing slightly as if she'd just thought of something completely new to ask, giggling a little under her breath as she composed herself "Why are you vlogging? You don't have to admit defeat like this."

"Well, I have to pick up a few things while we're there and it isn't often that we all get to hang out together so I just thought..." Dan trailed off, glancing back to where Jay leant back against a wall on his phone and Hosuh looked like he was trying not to laugh at something Stephen had said "Well, if it never makes it further than my computer then that's that I guess."

"Jeez, Daniel," A sardonic tone spoke from behind them, slightly more aware members of their little group turning to face the source just as Jay slipped his phone back into the pocket of his jeans "Try living in the moment a little."

"Sorry for bothering you, old man." Ann giggled, sticking her tongue out childishly at him, as he sauntered into the frame of the camera, opening his mouth to protest but being cut off by an announcement over the crackling, severely in need of replacement, speakers.

"_Train to * shopping district arriving now_." A monotone voice spoke from above, the sound of a vehicle screeching to a halt on the track pulling their attention away from individual conversations as the doors opened.

The ride wasn't too long, all five managing to find their own seats despite the overpopulated surroundings, keeping up the lighthearted atmosphere they'd built up in place, even managing to get Stephen and Hosuh to join in their conversations every so often.

Their proximity was nothing new, certainly nothing out of the ordinary to any of the others, they'd been friends for a while after all and would often drift off into their own little conversations during group get-togethers such as this so such behaviour was nothing to grow concerned about, others mostly just letting them be unless they needed an extra opinion or two.

By the time they arrived at their desired location the sun was slightly lower in the sky, autumn chill setting into their bones even though coats and sweaters, afternoon already drawing on and midday crowds depleted to a more manageable size as they made their way to the first store.

As they browsed the aisles in search of various things, they hardly noticed when a certain two simply slipped away. Sure, they addressed it, scanning the store to find them, texting them and maybe the thought that they could've been kidnapped came to a few minds, but when Ann spotted a lilac haired figure accompanied by another with their hair in a messy ponytail exiting the store she decided that if they wanted to do their own thing she had no authority to stop them.

Besides, maybe Stephen was taking her advice.

Meanwhile, aforementioned purple-haired boy pulled his friend aside so they weren't in anyone's way, leaning back against the side of some shop neither could name even if their life was on the line, smoke grey boy lingering anxiously "Shouldn't we go back? They might think we're being rude..."

"Don't worry about that, Hosuh." Stephen fake scoffed, tone rife with confidence it was hard not to trust and humour no one could quite replicate in Housuhs expert opinion "We'll go back to them eventually, But for now you have me, and I'm pretty neat so..."

Hosuh groaned in fake irritation, unable to hide the underlying warmth even when kept to simple noises rather than words, joining him at his side against the once china teacup white paint "You're insufferable."

"Yeah, but you love me." He teased, internally cursing himself but earning yet another annoyed yet fond noise from the shorter boy as he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small, slightly crumpled bag of candy "Would food make it better?"

"Stephen... Where did those come from?" Hosuh asked sceptically, knowing full well that he'd complained a mere hour ago about wanting those exact confectionaries and he hadn't bought anything since then so his response held no surprises.

"Stole em." Stephen grinned, opening them and offering the open end to the boy who was currently scowling at him, eyes narrowed in the way you would when it's 3am and you thought you'd seen something in the corner of your room or you weren't quite sure if that coughing fit of pastel petals was worse than usual or not.

"_Stephen!_" He groaned defeatedly, reaching over and taking a few, bordering on pouting as he ate them regardless of the legality, looking away towards the floor when the colour of his already weather flushed cheeks went up a tone or two "That's illegal."

"They have more, it's fine." He insisted, eating a few himself, gaze drifting momentarily over to where people walked past of their own accord, going through their own motions of daily life. How long would it be before the flowers struck once more? How long did he have left?

"That's not how it-" The older cut himself off, sighing defeatedly at the taller boys antics. If it had been anyone else he'd probably have cared more about the legality, but he felt a strange sense of appreciation he couldn't quite distinguish within the moment.

"It works however I want it to." Stephen chuckled, folding the edge of the bag and putting it back in his pocket, pushing off the wall to face the other "What you wanna do now? We still have a couple of hours before the train back..."

"I don't really know what's around here." Hosuh shrugged, looking around at their surroundings for any semblance of an idea before finally settling back on his friend "You got anything?"

"I don't know either, but there's only one way to find out I guess." He grabbed the others hand in his own, careless and more his wrist than his actual hand but the shorter of the two couldn't hold back the soft flames of a blush that momentarily flickered under his skin as he was dragged out into the open street "We just gotta get in there and find out."

As they walked neither seemed to slip their hand away, subconsciously intertwining fingers mid-conversation about various stores they could see, blending into the crowd (as much as someone with a purple mohawk could) and mostly just wandering aimlessly while sharing amicable discussion.

Hosuh couldn't help but notice a similar rosy tint to Stephens cheeks, but it could've easily simply been the frigid weather or his overactive imagination, unable to fully write off the warmth he felt from simply holding his hand as just being the climate.

They looked around a few shops, browsing various wares and merchandise they knew they'd never be able to afford, picking up a few tidbits that neither were entirely sure they needed but they looked cool and that was enough for the moment.

Even as the evening dragged on and the sky began to darken into a deep navy blue, neither had grown anywhere near tired of each other's company, a pleasant feeling enveloping the two of them, warding off the cold and making it feel as if they were a world away from anyone else and that was entirely okay.

After an hour or two, they found themselves in a little indie cafe, sitting on sturdy mismatch chairs at a table in front of the condensated window, sipping warm hot chocolates under the tangerine lights, place having a strange yet welcoming feel to it and the general scent of coffee and clementines, nostalgic in a way neither could quite place.

They'd fallen into a silence between topics, but it wasn't an uncomfortable one, Stephens gaze fixing onto Hosuh, small sparks of a blush surely having erupted into a bonfire across his entire body by now, the older of the two watching as he swirled the last of his beverage around in his porcelain mug. If he was aware of the other looking at him he didn't address it.

It was nice for reasons nobody present could quite explain away with a friendship centred around business and business alone, it ran deeper than that, much deeper than either were quite aware of at the time as the leaves turned lovely shades of copper and tawny and the sun dipped completely out of sight behind the skyline.

But just as anything so serene, it's bound to come to a close eventually, a figure soon looming over their table and addressing them in a humorous, fraudulently irritated tone "There you two are, we were starting to think we'd lost you for good."

While his presence alone did barely anything to soil their atmosphere, they couldn't help but feel a little disheartened that it had to end, finishing their hot chocolates and stepping back into the cold outside world where the rest of their friends were loitering, giggling to themselves about something Stephen had a nagging suspicion was almost definitely to do with them.

The train on the journey back was almost completely empty, desolate of human life other than the five who sleepily leant against the windows and each other, small conversations reflecting on events two of them hadn't even been there to see.

Stephen and Hosuh walked together back to their hotel rooms, tired and almost half asleep as they braved the last leg of the stairwell.

They reached Hosuhs first, taking out his keycard and gaining access with ease but lingering in the doorway for a moment, staring up at Stephen who despite the bags under his eyes looked perfectly content to stay this way for the foreseeable future.

"I had fun today..." Hosuh grinned up at him, brushing off the flush that overtook the taller boys face for the thousandth time today as nothing more than the weather once more, sheepishly averting his gaze back down to his shoes "Thank you."

"I didn't do anything, the trip was Daniel and Ann's idea anyway." He usually wasn't one to act in such ways, usually, he'd have said something like 'of course, I'm great', an exaggeration? Maybe, but certainly not as bashful as he was currently acting. Damn flowers.

"My statement still stands." Hosuh reached over to lightly take his hand, intertwining their fingers and offering him a soft, tired smile that practically made him melt right then and there, voice almost a whisper as if it were something to be kept between just the two of them "Thank you, Stephen."

They parted ways not long after that, returning to their own individual rooms, both lying on their respective beds reflecting on what on earth had just occurred over the last few hours, feelings they hadn't yet come to understand and sensations they wanted to feel again over and over until the day they passed from existence.

When the flowers came back that night it was with a vengeance that made Stephen almost completely certain that it was the end for a moment, but as he choked on the full head of a lovely summer days sky pigmented flower he couldn't help but be grateful that it'd waited, that lovely Hosuh didn't have to see him like this as he gasped for air on the cold tiles of an unfamiliar dolly dress white bathroom.

Maybe he should've told him on that ambient autumn afternoon when everything was calm and his future remained uncertain.

But you can't change what has already taken place and Stephens indecisiveness left him floundering in the hazy passage of time, inching closer and closer to the day the flowers took hold for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so fluffy, ew.


	3. Floral Scented Falsification

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in ages!!! This chapter is significantly shorter than the others because I chopped a bit off the end so I could get it out quicker and also because I didn't like it (This fic came right at the end of a creative surge or summin and I'm sorry.)
> 
> I'm also behind on replying to comments because I'm socially inept, I'll get around to it eventually!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was originally a kinda vent about the drama here but in the words of our boy Gavin- NO DRAMA

It always began something like this. Everything would be calm and serene like the gentle waves lapping against the shore of a warm beach just before being struck by a barbaric force determined to destroy everything in its path, which in Stephens case consisted of pretty pastel flowers winding their way through every passage they could find.

And today was no different as he lay half sprawled out on Hosuhs couch bundled up in blankets that smelt like floral laundry detergent and something that he could never quite name but always reminded him of the boy who currently slumped only a few feet away looking as if he had already half drifted off, almost angelic in the light of the tv.

Neither seemed to be quite paying attention to the movie playing before them but were rather content in a state of semi-consciousness and the comfortable atmosphere they'd built up in the dim room, uncaring for the torrential rain beating down on the windows outside.

Stephen didn't even notice the vile things creeping their way up his throat again until it was too late and he could already taste the familiar copper of blood on his tongue and suddenly his only occupation was trying to keep them at bay without alerting his friend to anything being amiss.

But this didn't last long as soon a few small coughs turned to full-on choking on the flowers lodged in his throat and trying to catch anything in his hands before it could stain the currently rather alarmed boys sofa.

He managed to fumble his way onto his feet and over into the general direction of the bathroom, barely able to situate himself over the toilet bowl before the full head of a flower dislodged itself, followed not as swiftly as he'd have liked by something new and more than simply unwelcome. The thorns.

Either he was simply imagining that there was more blood than usual or the damn things were tearing his throat apart as much as it felt like they were, barely even able to focus on breathing, let alone worry about the figure who he knew was lingering hesitantly in the doorway seeing him in such a state.

As it went on ceaselessly Stephen began to wonder if this really was the finale of his life, that he'd outstayed his welcome and would now slip from this plane of existence on the cold porcelain of his friends bathroom as Hosuh watched helplessly from the sidelines.

At some point Hosuh had cautiously shuffled over and crouched down beside him, patting his back awkwardly as if he wasn't quite sure how to help, which made sense considering how most people would be confused if their friend suddenly started coughing up flowers.

Eventually, the storm started to pass and he could almost breathe again, shame finally fully setting in as he moved to sit with his back against the wall, not daring to look up and see the dumbfounded expression plastering his friends countenance.

Hosuh shuffled over to sit by his side, gently intertwining their fingers, comforting him wordlessly as the younger of the two still struggled to pull himself back to reality, resting his head on the others shoulder to no objection.

"Stephen?" He whispered, tentative and half-convinced he'd fallen asleep by now, not even entirely expecting a response as he traced meaningless patterns over the back of the amethyst hued boys hand.

"Mhm...?" Stephen hummed, throat raw and wretched taste still lingering in his mouth but content to simply sit here up against the smaller frame of the reason he was in such pain in the first place despite not knowingly doing so.

"If you don't mind me asking..." Hosuh started, a persistent air of uncertainty and consternation mingling in with the warmth they'd managed to salvage from floral-scented blankets and a drowsiness they'd both been oh so forcefully dragged out of "What was that?"

Stephen didn't respond for a moment, mulling over his potential words but coming up with nothing of much use before deciding his next best option was muttering something vague under his breath "It's nothing, just happens sometimes."

"This has happened before?!?!" Clearly he could've been a little more concise with his answer there given the horror emitting itself off Hosuhs voice, going rigid and becoming less like a human pillow and more like a wooden plank "Have you seen a doctor about it? Does anyone else know? What is it?"

The younger of the two only groaned, curling up closer in an attempt to distance himself from reality once more, Hosuh huffing slightly under his breath as he fished his phone out of his pocket and opened google, typing 'why is my friend throwing up flowers?' into the search bar "At least let me google it."

Stephen tried to protest weakly, reaching out to take the phone from him but finding he'd already held it out of his grasp and his petal blue eyes were already scanning across text he couldn't quite see from where he lay but knew the exact contents of.

"Stephen...?" Hosuhs voice wavered slightly, face a shade or two paler than it usually was, illuminated by the harsh screen of his phone "How long has this been happening?"

In truth, he hadn't really been keeping track all too well anymore, but what he did know was that he passed the '2 week' threshold anywhere from yesterday to multiple weeks ago so he could literally be knocking on death's door.

But he couldn't just tell Hosuh that, couldn't just dump on him that the '2 week - 3 month' lifespan that he'd just found out about had already entered the danger zone where every breath was a luxury that could be ripped away at any moment.

"Only a few weeks..." Stephen feigned a certain oblivion as if he knew nothing about his condition and had simply accepted that this just happened sometimes somewhere down the line "Some stupid flowers can't hurt me though..."

"This is serious!" He clearly didn't believe him, putting his phone back where it came from and diverting his full attention back to the boy beside him who despite what he claimed was definitely not holding up as well as he seemed to think "Who is it?"

Under most circumstances, he would've continued to feign that he knew absolutely nothing about this, but the hurt lacing Hosuhs voice was beginning to get to him and that made him feel even worse than any flowers ever could "I-I don't know..."

"How do you not know?!?!" His voice came out a little more harsh than intended, distressed as if the idea of losing him was worse than death, muttering a quiet "Sorry" a second or two later.

"No, it's okay..." Stephen sighed, fatigued by the ordeal and oddly comfortable on the bathroom floor up against the significantly smaller figure of his friend, that same floral scent as earlier clinging to the t-shirt he wore "It doesn't matter anyway."

"It does matter though!" In all their years of knowing each other, he'd never heard Hosuh get quite as upset about anything as he was right now, squeezing his hand tight and voice cracking a little "I don't wanna lose you."

He somehow hadn't noticed it until now, but Hosuh was crying, trying his hardest to hide it from the younger of the two with increasing difficulty as the conversation progressed "Hey! Don't cry, Hos! I'm here, I'm not dead!"

"But you will be..." He choked as Stephen switched the hand the other was holding and wrapped the closer one around his torso in the closest to a comforting gesture he could think of at the moment "Please, Stephen, who is it?"

"I-... It's umm... It's-" Stephen floundered, contemplating every single option he had here, none of which very favourable but most being better than how he pictured the exchange souring if he told the truth "It's Jay. I- I just didn't want to make things weird..."

Hosuh sighed, relieved yet demeanour holding a certain sorrow he couldn't quite place before it was wiped away again "Well, you should tell him. I'm sure he feels the same way."

"He wouldn't." Neither did he considering the fact he mainly just said the first name of a mutual friend he could think of and had now unknowingly dug himself an even deeper hole than the one he'd been encasing himself within since he'd met the boy he still lay up against.

Hosuh tried to convince him otherwise, but something had clearly shifted in the dynamic between them from both parties as the younger of the two straightened himself up into something moderately presentable.

When Stephen claimed it was getting late and that he had things to do the following day, he didn't protest despite it being 3am and the fact that he'd been perfectly content with an impromptu sleepover mere hours prior.

He simply watched quietly from the window as his car pulled out of the driveway and his taillights disappeared into the stormy night engulfing the surrounding area, surely making driving a tad bit difficult.

Stephen had lied to him today. About what specifically? He wasn't sure, but he knew that somewhere down the line he'd said something off and he was pretty sure it was his supposed crush of Jay.

There had just been something in the way he'd uttered it that seemed disingenuous in a way that heavily implied there was something he was hiding.

But nevertheless, he decided it'd be best to treat the situation as a threat first and foremost, trust in Stephen another topic for another day as he racked his tired brain for answers.

-

Jay glared at his phone sceptically, internally debating whether to answer this out of the blue, 4am phone call from Stephen or just pretending that he was asleep like most people would be at such an hour.

But what he was also distantly aware of was that he probably wouldn't do such a thing without good reason, sighing reluctantly as he pressed the answer button, bringing the device to his ear "Hello?"

"Finally!" Stephen exaggerated, obviously feigning a certain humour that usually came oh so naturally to him, clearly more than a little out of what could be considered his regular headspace "Thought you were dead or something."

"Stephen, it's 4am, and as much as I'd _love _to chit-chat, there's clearly a reason you called." He spoke tiredly, gaze wandering to what he'd been doing prior to the interruption, swinging back and forth on his desk chair a little "So, what do you need?"

There was a sigh from the other end of the line, muffled as if he'd distanced himself from the microphone for a moment, hesitant and weighty in a way he definitely hadn't expected, speaking up in a similar tone "I may or may not have lied to Hosuh..."

"Why'd you do that?" He asked, genuinely somewhat baffled why he'd do such a thing in the first place, let alone what he'd feel the need to tell him of all people "And why are you telling me this?"

"Well..." His voice was still rife with a hesitation he would not have expected from someone who he usually viewed as so self-assured. Whatever he'd said must've really been bothering him "It kinda involves you..."

"Well, I can't physically hurt you over a phone call." Jay mused, watching as the brightness of his computer screen dwindled, dimming the rest of his room considerably along with it "So I guess I'm all ears."

"I told Hosuh that I love you..." He laughed breathily, humourless and forged, sounding more distressed than anything else "And unfortunately for you... That was a lie..."

There was a moment of consideration, silence filled by only their breathing and the occasional car speeding past the gas station the other was currently parked in until Jay couldn't help but let his words slip "Why'd you say that?"

Stephen inhaled sharply, debating whether to tell him or to just throw his phone out of the window and never talk to anyone ever again "B-because I love him... And I don't want to hurt him...- Please don't tell him.-"

"Stephen, I have no interest in revealing anything to anyone if you aren't comfortable with it, that'd just be a dick move." He sighed, pondering what on earth could've led to such events as well as how Hosuh hadn't noticed his obvious crush by now "Besides, this isn't middle school."

"Thank you, Jay..." He murmured, small and timid in a sense he'd never seen in him before today that almost made him worried for his safety "I'll leave you alone now...

Jay couldn't say more before the line was cut off and he was left with nothing but silence, somewhat stunned and entirely confused as he continued to stare off into the corner of his now dark room.

He brought his phone back down to see a text on the home screen, sent a few minutes prior at some point during his phone call from the boy they'd just been discussing.

Hosuh✨- 4:02am

{I think Stephen's dying.}

Now that was a vague, cryptic message if he'd ever seen one. Sure he'd seemed a little off, but a lot of it could be passed off as the fact it was 4am and he was beginning to suspect neither of them were entirely sober.

Jay🍙- 4:09am

{Care to elaborate?}

Hosuh✨- 4:12am

{I don't know how okay he is with me telling anyone this, but he has hanahaki and is refusing to do anything about it.}

Oh. So now it was beginning to make sense.

Jay🍙- 4:14am

{And how may I be of service to remedy this?}

While he was already well aware of why he'd contacted him specifically, words still fresh in his mind for the phone call he'd only just ended, he wasn't quite sure whether Stephen would be very happy with him revealing that. Especially right after explicitly saying he wouldn't.

Hosuh✨- 4:15am

{This is probably a huge violation of his privacy,

But he loves you and refuses to admit it.}

Now, there were several options that Jay could choose to pursue here, the most morally correct of which seemed to be telling him the truth, but he just couldn't bring himself to do that after hearing him speak with such raw sincerity.

Maybe he could take a leaf out of Stephens book though, fudge the numbers a little until he could come up with a slightly more concrete plan

Jay🍙- 4:17am

{Can I tell you something, Ho-Ho?}

Hosuh✨- 4:18am

{Go ahead.}

Well here went nothing, mentally taking note to request some kind of compensation for this from Stephen at a later date (preferably an edible one) as he typed out the message.

Jay🍙- 4:20am

{I love him too.}


	4. Hazy Honey Hue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How's it going lads? Hope y'all are staying safe in these trying times. I'm back on my bullshit with some more poorly constructed jibberish about some losers who I love with my whole ass heart.
> 
> As for changes, I haven't made too many, the plot is basically exactly the same but still;
> 
> Chapter one- Stephen texts Gavin, not Ann (she's still here, dw)
> 
> Chapter two- Not much, Ann is still Ann, that's pretty much it
> 
> Chapter three- Any changes to what was already there were made before I even posted it (the fake crush was originally Dan-) but I did add like 800 words to the end bc it was too short so if you wanna know what's happening that's where to look-
> 
> I would also like to state that I am aware of the whole Jay situation and while I'm not siding, it has no direct links to anyone in aop so he's staying.

When Gavin was awoken at some unholy hour of the morning, he automatically assumed the noise that had pulled him from his state of unconsciousness had been his alarm, but after a few attempts at whacking the device to no avail, he began to realise that the noise was different and coming from a lot further away.

He groggily pulled himself out of bed, glancing at the actual time and finding he didn't actually have to be up for at least another hour, muttering various things under his breath as he made his way down the corridors, golden rays of early morning sunlight barely seeping through the mostly closed blinds.

The racket ceased when his footsteps would've become audible, sweet silence only lasting a fleeting moment before he arrived at the door, clumsily fumbling with the lock before cracking it open.

For a brief moment, the light was a little too intense for his still adjusting eyes, squinting to see the figure before him in a vague hope that it was at least someone he knew and not some random salesperson who was probably judging him. Why would a professional ring so many times though?

On his front porch stood Stephen, tired and far from his usual exuberant self, illuminated softly by the hazy honey hue of the still-emerging sunrise, half-dried tear tracks still glistening slightly on his flushed cheeks, arms pulled tight around himself in some vague attempt at fending off the cold.

"What're you doing here, Stephen? What happened?" His concern seemed to surpass his drowsiness, worry only worsening when he clocked just how cold the late autumn air outside was compared to his house "Why don't you have a coat? It's damn freezing."

Stephen stayed quiet for a moment, teary mulberry eyes only flickering upwards for a brief moment as he whispered his word, unable to get them much louder, throat raw with the awful taste of blood and flowers "I-I don't wanna go home right now..."

As much as Gavin wanted to inquire about such sentiments, he didn't push any further, inviting him inside and offering him a beverage, telling him he could make himself comfortable on the couch as he ducked into the kitchen to make some tea.

When he came back, he found his brother curled up a little against the furthest armrest, clearly a tad bit spacey as he stared down at the rug, shoes neatly tucked away by the door, all of which factors the entire opposite of how he'd been last time he'd come over, throwing them vaguely in the right direction and taking up at least half the sofa. He missed that. What was going on with him?

He handed him the mug, the older of the two taking it but doing it ever so delicately as if he were afraid taking it too quickly would spill it all over them both, thanking him softly before taking a small sip "You alright, Stephen?"

"I fucked up, Gavin..." He choked a little, curling further in on himself as his brother sat down in the space beside him "I well and truly fucked everything up."

"I'm sure you haven't." Gavin tutted, still receiving no eye contact from the boy who looked as if he'd become so conflicted that he countenance appeared almost empty for a moment"Talk to me, Steph."

"Hosuh knows about the flowers... A-and I lied to him, I told him that I love Jay..." His speech was broken, trying and failing to hold back more tears as it all came spilling out "But I don't... Hosuh could never love a liar... I don't deserve him..."

"I'm sure that isn't true!" He insisted, glancing over to find he'd gone from stoic to downright bawling, tears streaming down his flushed cheeks, hands shaky and tight around the porcelain mug, cheesy quote adorning the container out of place and nearly ironic in a situation such as this.

"It is though... And I love him so, so much... I love him so much it hurts..." Stephen half sobbed, curling impossibly further in on himself as the other placed his own mug down on the coffee table "I don't want to lose him... I'm not ready to go..."

Gavin sighed, tenderly wrapping his arms around his shaky form, leaving time for him to object to such contact as he held him close, comforting and nostalgic, careful not to jostle the mug he still held ever so tightly in his hands.

Under most other circumstances, Stephen would've probably at least tried to make it seem as if he was above such means of comfort and either called him a sappy bastard or said he didn't want his cooties, but today was different for so many reasons, and thus he melted into it a little, sniffling quietly to himself and letting the other take the mug from him and place it on the table as well.

Eventually, Stephen seemed to tire himself out after being awake since 10am the previous day and whatever kind of emotional roller coaster he'd been on since 3am this morning, falling asleep on the couch of his rather concerned brother just before his actual alarm went off in the other room.

Thankfully, Gavin managed to get to it and turn it off before it disturbed the boy who'd only just fallen into unconsciousness, fetching a blanket and draping it over him as he pondered what on earth his next move could be.

He'd have to leave for work pretty soon, and as much as he didn't feel quite comfortable leaving Stephen on his own after working himself into such a state, he also couldn't really afford to just not come in, sighing as he fully realised he didn't have much of a choice.

But Stephen was an adult, he'd handled everything alright on his own up until now, he could continue to do so for the few hours he wouldn't be around... At least, that's what he hoped he could do, scribbling down a quick note on the back of an envelope saying he hadn't just magically disappeared before leaving with one final worried glance.

-

Hosuh yawned, stretching out his achy limbs as he sauntered absently past the threshold of his kitchen, glancing up at the clock to find it was already past 11am. Good thing he wasn't doing anything today, deciding not to dwell on such things and instead starting the actions necessary to boil the kettle and make a cup of coffee because oh boy did he need it.

He could vaguely recall Ann saying she was going to stop by at some point to drop off a tupperware box she'd borrowed at least a month ago, but holding a thin, plastic container wasn't the most strenuous activity and he was more than okay with that.

Once his beverage was made he leant back against the counter, taking a small sip and immediately regretting his decision as the liquid attempted to burn his taste buds out, gaze landing on a foreign object lying on the opposite counter, quirking an eyebrow in confusion, discarding the mug in favour of picking up the dark material draped haphazardly beside his stove.

Over a moment of pondering, he realised three things; this wasn't his, he'd definitely seen it before and oh god, it was Stephens. Had he really been in that much of a rush to leave that he'd left it behind on one of the coldest nights of the year? Well that was a little disheartening.

He picked it up, examining it in the artificial light as if to make sure that it was in fact Stephens and not just one of his that he'd forgotten he'd owned, finding that it was far bigger than anything that'd fit him properly.

10 minutes later, Hosuh could be found traipsing around his house in a jacket several sizes too big for him that smelt like coffee and something almost citrusy, sleeves rolled up and nearly falling off one shoulder as he went about his business as if nothing was amiss.

As he pondered the situation as of late, an idea came to him, fetching his phone from where it was charging and finding the appropriate contact, pressing call without much more consideration, knowing that if he fixated on such things for too long he may start to second guess it all and let his own thoughts and feelings on the predicament cloud his judgment.

While the calling tone played from his speakers, he had to keep reassuring himself that this would make Stephen happy, and that if Stephen was happy, he was happy as well. His own emotions should hold no bearing here.

Jay's voice cut through the ringing, distorted and tinny at first due to the poor signal of one of their devices "Hey Ho-Ho, what's up?"

"Well, I had an idea..." There was a somewhat force tinge to his otherwise regular tone, currently minuscule enough to be passed off as nothing more than a glitch in the phone line "What if we set you and Stephen up on a lil' date or something?"

There was a hesitance on the other end as if his words needed careful consideration as to not let something become known to him that required earnest effort to keep away. As if he was hiding something "Sounds pretty good to me."

"It's gonna be so cute!" Hosuh beamed, sincere and honest but still retaining a distant sorrow as he pulled the accidentally misplaced jacket tighter around himself.

"Yeah..." Jay replied somewhat hollowly, unnoticed by the other as he remained too enthralled in his own confliction to notice the similar turmoil going on behind the voice on the other end of the call.

The drill of a doorbell ringing in the background broke the silence before it could escalate to anything especially noticeable "Oh! I need to go get that, see you, Jay!"

"Bye..." Came the surprised but gentle response, clearly a little lost in thought too as the phone was put down and the boy who'd initially made the call ventured in the direction of his front door where the ringing persisted every few seconds now.

Upon opening the door, he was met with the familiar sight of Ann, demeanour as bright and jubilant as ever as she greeted him, clearly in a pretty good mood as he invited her inside. At least one of them could be over the moon today.

"Why are you wearing Stephen's jacket?" She inquired just as they reached the living room, not missing the slight flush that rose on Hosuhs cheeks as the mere mention of his name.

"He left it here by accident..." His voice wavered a little, sitting himself down on the couch and averting his gaze elsewhere, seemingly trying to conceal himself in the jacket as if it was big enough to engulf him entirely.

"So you're wearing it?" She smirked teasingly, practically throwing herself down on the sofa as well, an almost indistinguishable flicker of hope shining behind her cerulean eyes.

"I'm making sure it doesn't get damaged..." That statement in of itself sounded more like a question than anything Ann had asked in the last few minutes, renewed laughter bursting from the younger as she struggled to regain her breath to tell him just how obvious he sounded.

"Jesus christ, dude." She managed to choke out, looking over again to find him completely red and trying his hardest to bury his face in the material, floundering to protect the shreds of dignity he still managed to retain "Just say you stole it because it smells like him and go."

"I didn't steal it!" Hosuh groaned in a vague state of defiance, not wanting to admit that at the very least, it did smell like him and he loved everything about it. Fuck, maybe he did have it worse than he initially thought.

"How'd he forget it anyway? He usually has a pretty decent memory." She inquired, tone becoming at least somewhat level again as the boy came out of his jacket cave with a small sigh.

"Well, he kinda left in a hurry... I don't think he wanted to be here anymore..." He sounded painfully downtrodden, staring off into the distance as memories of Stephen crying on his bathroom floor played behind his eyes.

"Oh... Why's that?" As much as she wanted to joke around in hopes of at least bringing a slight smile to his face, she could tell that this was clearly having an effect on him, holding off on the humour for a moment. Whatever had occurred had an emotional weight to it that she'd never seen him show quite as much as right now.

"Something happened, he told me something- personal shit really..." Hosuh was clearly trying to shrug it all off as nothing, greatly conflicted by the fact it looked as if he was very close to breaking down crying for what wouldn't have been the first time in the last 24 hours "I guess he just wasn't ready to face them yet..."

"Oof, I'm sorry bud..." Ann tried to reassure him, and to an extent, it worked, but she could see through the shaky little smile he gave her like a sheet of glass "I don't need details, but I can try to help."

She didn't need the fact Stephen was literally dying broken to her for a second time.

"Well... He loves someone- and that's fine, he's his own person, he can do what he wants...But I'm worried about him, y'know?" He bit his lip anxiously, feigning contentment as he spoke but still avoiding Anns concerned gaze "So I'm gonna try to help them get together... So they can both be happy..."

"You really love him, don't you?" It was spoken ever so softly, delicate and not entirely intentional in being voiced into the open, but regardless of whether it slipped accidentally or not, it was the question that needed asking the most.

"What? No... I don't love Stephen..." Hosuh was slightly taken aback by the words coming from anyone but himself, flustered but sighing as he whispered almost too quietly for her to hear "It's just a little crush... It'll go away..."

"Listen, Hosuh, just tell him how you feel, things might just turn out in your favour." Ann smiled, sincere and reassuring as her words had been, something he oh so wanted to believe in but couldn't help but recall how his love confession would do nothing to help with Stephens flower problem.

It wasn't long before she was on her way again, back out into the real world, leaving Hosuh alone with his thoughts and the ghosts of words left behind by various friends over the last 24 hours.

Boy did Ann have a word or two to give Stephen when he finally picked up the phone though, that was the one thing that really was for sure at that moment in time.


	5. Careless Cornflower Contemplation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets a very slight bit dark, it ain't too bad, but there are several mentions of death and similar subjects so just a lil heads up (it's hardly any worse than anything that's already happened.)

Stephen lay on his back, staring blankly up at the ceiling, eyes glassy as if he was mentally a thousand miles away as he continued to not be bothered to actually get up, fully aware that his phone had been going off in his pocket continually since he'd regained consciousness anywhere from 2 minutes ago to an hour ago.

He couldn't live like this, lying to the people he loved until he inevitably reached a bitter end of cornflower and copper.

When he pulled out his phone, he ignored all of the surprisingly indignant texts from Ann and Gavin simply asking if he was up yet, jumping straight to the nearest search engine and researching something he at one point thought he would never have been degraded to.

There was a place only 20 minutes from Gavin's house, he could be there and back before anyone even knew he'd gone anywhere. No one would know to stop him.

So without much more contemplation, he got up, barely bothering to straighten himself out before getting in his car, stone-faced and beyond the point of no return in terms of the entire situation.

The building he arrived at was bleak, barren of anything you could call noteworthy other than various drab shades of grey adorning his surroundings, establishment almost blending into the background, framed by nothing but heavy clouds and the dusty concrete parking lot.

There was something awfully unwelcoming about the hue, nowhere near the lovely shade that a certain someone seemed to effortlessly pull off so well. But this had nothing to do with Hosuh (to an extent, at least) and he wasn't here to provide any reassurance in any direction, and maybe he was a little lost right now.

Either no one who'd been in charge of this building's construction knew what a bit of colour was or it was just his own dreary outlook manifesting itself in the world around him, but regardless of his own dwindling mental stability, this was for the best.

At least he could tell himself that as he nervously inched his way up the stairway, hesitating on several occasions until he was face to face with the firm glass doors and he didn't have much more of a choice unless he wanted to look foolish and a little creepy by standing and staring in for the next 15 minutes.

But this was for the best. This would benefit everyone he'd dragged into this godforsaken mess and maybe let everything just go back to the way it was before his throat hurt constantly and no one was overly worried about him like he was some kind of sickly child.

It was equally bland inside even with the slight highlights of purples and greens on the walls and furniture, wallpaper possessing a rather delicate floral pattern in a strip that wound itself around the room. Ironic considering what this place was, but maybe it had been intentional, brushing off such queries as he approached the front desk.

"Hello sir, how may I help you today?" The person behind the counter beamed fictitiously, crimson lipstick coated lips curving upwards effortlessly after what had probably been years in such a profession, tone almost as plastic as the cheaply manicured nails they absently drummed on the desk they sat at.

"I'm here for the surgery..." He murmured almost inaudibly, vague and cryptic yet still entirely understood by them as they asked his name, handing him a clipboard and a pen before sending him to the barely populated waiting area.

He sat down uncharacteristically timidly in a creaky waiting room chair staring down at the dull green carpet almost emptily as he tried to remember simple things like his own date of birth over the way Hosuhs touch felt in those all too brief moments he'd gotten to experience it and the sound of his laugh whenever he made a stupid little joke.

Stephen found his gaze wandering, lingering on the unregistering, tired faces of the worn-down souls who'd found themselves here too, wondering what on earth led them to such measures, what kind of life they'd led up until now.

Of course, he'd never know any of this, nor would he ever even think of them again, but it brought his mind back to Hosuh (as if he'd ever fully left the subject of him) by his side, tears streaming down his stupidly adorable face as he told him with so much more sincerity than he himself had ever been able to muster that he didn't want to lose him so soon.

And rationally, from what he could tell the best course of action to fulfil such wishes was to get the procedure over and done with at the cost of feeling that way about anyone ever again, but something about the prospect of dying to the thorns wrapping tight around his throat with tender memories of Hosuh by his side bringing those feelings to light even in the darkest of hours seemed awfully appealing.

He mentally wandered back to the calm before the storm when everything was peaceful and the flowers in his chest were nothing but a distant irritation in the cosy environment they'd built up around themselves.

It'd been oh so lovely up until that point, did he really want those to be his final memories of loving Hosuh before he could never feel such attraction again? The final time his smile brought him that sickeningly sweet angel feather feeling.

All of a sudden he seemed far less ready to go through with this, or maybe he never truly had been, but regardless he had almost become content with choking on the garden burgeoning in his chest with that fluttery feeling still lingering in his skull than whatever bleak future may lay ahead if such actions were to take place.

So he left. Stood right up from where he'd been sitting and took the fastest walk he was pretty sure he'd ever done right out of the bland establishment, not stopping until he reached the relative safety of his car.

When he picked his phone up from where he'd left it in the glove box, he had just about enough time to read the time and register the fact he had more than a few texts from various contacts before the screen flickered out to black, battery depleted to nothing after not being charged since leaving his house yesterday.

Oh well, he knew what everyone would be telling him anyway.

-

In the end, he didn't go back to Gavins, instead going to his own frigid dwelling and locking the door tight behind himself, almost numb after feeling so many conflicting emotions over the last 24 hours and partially because of how cold it'd been outside.

He thought maybe a bath would help, but it only seemed to make things worse as he lay dormant in the almost scalding liquid, head just breaching the surface enough to breathe, eyes heavy despite only being awake for a few hours.

Stephen ducked his head under, submerging himself entirely, hidden from the outside world. At first, he held his breath, but for whatever reason, he released it, momentarily letting the water flood his airways in a brief moment of suppressed hysteria.

It was almost peaceful, the prospect that maybe something other than the flowers could get to him first seemingly overruling anything else for a second before natural reflexes kicked in and he was back above the water gasping for air he wasn't entirely sure he wanted.

Part of him thought he should talk to someone about everything that's happened in full, no sugarcoating of his words. But he didn't. Instead, he simply curled up in his own bed and hoped no one was getting too worried for his whereabouts.

-

Soon hours of ignoring countless texts and calls turned to days and those days amassed into a full week, reading a few but never having the courage to reply, shameful of all the lies he'd told and afraid his contribution would just get in their way.

It was strange, so much different than his usual behavioural patterns yet feeling as if this was how it'd been forever, too lost to his own head to properly process the passage of time as the flowers only got worse and he grew weaker by the day.

He didn't have much time left, he could feel it in his chest every time he breathed, almost painful as the little garden blossoming in his chest only grew and grew, fighting to reject anything that entered his body leaving him barely able to breathe, let alone eat much.

They were worried, he knew they were, and as much as he didn't want to die with so much unfinished business, he felt too hopeless to even try.

**-**

As much as he didn't want to believe that Stephen was really going to such lengths to keep such issues so far under wraps he could've been dead for all anyone knew, that appeared to be the case as he received a reply from yet another one of their mutual friends saying he wasn't picking up his phone.

There had been a few who said their messages came up as read if they had such settings enabled, but as for reassurances, that was about as far as it went, sighing as an attempted call went to voicemail for maybe the 20th time today.

By now Hosuh had pretty much mapped out an entire damn outing for them and good lord if it didn't hurt more and more with every phone call and text that went on without him knowing the truth. This hoax couldn't go on much longer, and he was pretty sure Stephen would agree.

Jay🍙- 9:31pm

{Stephen, I know you're going through some shit, but this has gone on long enough.}

He'd provided him with plenty of chances over the course of the last week or so, updated him on every little idea Hosuh had innocently suggested in hopes it'd pull him from the grave he'd dug himself.

{If you aren't going to tell him the truth, then I'm telling him.}

But it didn't seem to work as the 'read' icon popped up but no typing even began, closing out of the conversation and moving to a different contact, one he got much more of a response out of, pressing the call button somewhat hesitantly and bringing the phone up to his ear.

Part of him felt bad that he was doing this, betraying his trust like this, but the pendulum swung both ways, neither direction was entirely honest and he seemed hypocritical regardless of what direction he chose.

"Hi Jay." The voice on the other end yawned, tired despite the hour as if he hadn't slept properly in a while yet still at least managing to muster a semblance of synthetic jubilance through the speakers "What's up?"

"Hey, umm... Marshmallow?" He sighed, throat tight as he tried to find a sugarcoated way of telling him that he and Stephen had been lying to him for weeks now "I need to get something off my chest..."

Hosuh hummed inquisitively, patient and unaware of anything of too much weight being amiss, expecting something mundane- mildly troublesome at worst, definitely not what he ended up saying "W-we haven't been entirely honest... I don't love Stephen and he doesn't love me... I'm sorry..."

"...W-who does he love then? Why did you both lie...?" He muttered, somewhat baffled as he tried to keep his voice steady and not jump to any outlandish conclusions before he at the very least heard him out.

"It's you..." He sighed reluctantly, practically able to hear his breath hitching on the other end of the call "He loves you, Hosuh... He's just too stubborn to say it to your face..."

It was like a weight had been lifted but one two times heavier had taken its place, silence engulfing them for what wouldn't have been the first time until Hosuh spoke up again, choked and rife with more than Jay could quite decipher "I-I have something to do now..."

"Alright... But stay safe, don't do anything too brash..." Jay knew he had no power to really do much more, both fully aware that his excuse was flimsy and translucent in its execution, but seeing no benefit in pointing out the obvious at such a stage.

"I will, don't worry." It was painfully fraudulent, but nothing more could be said as the call went dead and Jay was left with an odd but terrifying sense of finality from behind his words as he wondered if he'd done the right thing.

-

While he'd been quick to text Stephen the second he dropped the call, nothing else seemed to come quite as quickly. Either time had always been so slow or he had just worked himself into a state of panic at the thoughts and feeling that all seemed to want to surface at once that left him pacing his dim apartment anxiously.

His phone provided no support, only fueling fears that Stephen had been lying dead in his house surrounded by bloodied flower petals for god knows how long, no read icon even popping up before he gave up on waiting.

This wasn't a time for sitting around waiting for anything to happen- even if he wanted to, he didn't think he had the mental strength to just sit down and wait, throwing on the jacket that still faintly smells like coffee and something citrusy, shoving his phone in his pocket along with other necessities and bolting out the door.

He needed to see that he was alive and well for himself if he was to ever forgive himself for being so blind. He needed to know that Stephen wasn't dead.

Hosuh✨- 9:46pm

{I love you too.}


	6. Losing Your Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:)

Hosuh✨- 9:46pm

{I love you too.}

No matter how many times he read over the preview illuminating his home screen, he couldn't quite bring himself to believe the words it was exhibiting for him to see in the dim crevice he'd burrowed himself into, no outside influence to persuade him otherwise.

The flowers were still there, he could feel them tearing up his insides like they were made out of nothing but paper. Hosuh was lying. If he wasn't, they'd be gone.

Maybe if he stopped to really think about it he'd realise a key feature of that little article he'd read the fateful day this had all officially started, but he'd been sat thinking for too long already, what he needed was action and action was what he took.

His phone was discarded on the floor, half dead and littered with cracks that definitely hadn't been there a week ago, hastily grabbing his car keys and a jacket before exiting his house. He needed to be anywhere but here.

Part of his was already ready to crumple to the floor and die, but he persisted, jumping into his car and starting the engine.

There was a high chance that Hosuh or someone else would turn up at his doorstep soon and find him weak and festering. He didn't want anyone to see him in such a state, couldn't bear to see the look on the boy who in the past had brought him such joys face as he tried in vain to help him.

He didn't want anyone to feel responsible when he could no longer breathe at all, didn't want to prove as such a burden when the inevitable came and swept him away. He needed to go as far away as possible, where no one would think to find him.

As he drove, the taste of blood in his mouth only grew stronger, head light and throat painful, but all that didn't matter. He was a goner anyway.

Inevitably it became almost unbearable, seeing at least a little sense and pulling into the first gas station he saw, already miles away from home in a completely unfamiliar area.

The flickering neon sign hurt his eyes a little, establishment rundown and tacky as any gas station he'd been to in his relatively short life, stumbling out of his car and over to the 'customer only' toilets, trying all the while not to spill petals all over the already filthy concrete beneath his shoes.

It was almost fittingly dim in the dingey room, but Stephen didn't take much time to take in the lacklustre scenery before he was spilling his guts into the stall on the end, almost certain these would be his final moments. Not the most glamourous place to die, but far better than any alternative he could come up with involving anyone he loved finding his corpse.

Despite this, he made it through to the other side, stumbling wearily to the sink to wash the blood and remnants of flowers away, glancing up at the mirror and meeting his own dishevelled gaze in his distorted reflection, glassy mulberry eyes staring back as if he was no longer himself, almost shameful of his presentation.

But then a figure came up behind him, and a clicking sound resonated across the four walls of the otherwise desolate restroom, followed by a low, demeaning voice "Put your hands where I can see them."

-

Hosuh grumbled quietly under his breath, glaring as the fuel light of his car beeped for what might've been the tenth time since he'd started driving, grudgingly complying to its incessant demands and turning into the first gas station he came across.

It was expectedly rather desolate at such an hour, only housing a singular car that seemed to lack any inhabitants from where he stood, going about his business as quickly as possible, head still lost in the clouds of panic brought on by his still unread text and the words of a friend that still echoed through his mind.

He found his gaze lingering on the vehicle for a moment, distantly familiar in a way he couldn't quite place at first, narrowing his eyes a little at it until it fully clicked in his mind. It kind of looked like Stephen's car.

But of course, there had to be thousands of people with the same car, it wasn't an uncommon thing for someone to do, at least that's how he tried to rationalise it as he made his way into the store attached to the facility.

Inside was no warmer than outside, but that didn't matter much to him, pulling the jacket tighter around himself as he made his way to the register where a bored-looking teenager absently scrolled through their phone, seeming almost disgruntled when they noticed his presence.

The transaction went just like any other he'd experienced in his life, exiting the establishment back out into the frigid evening, surroundings shrouded in the dreary butterscotch lighting places such as this tend to have at such an hour.

Distant voices caught his ear, audibly assertive even from the considerable distance between him and the commotion, curiosity obtaining the better of him as he shuffled over in the direction of the noise.

He found himself in front of the door to the toilets, hesitant to open it in fear of what he may find lying behind it, teeth grit as he opened it.

No matter the mental pep talk he provided himself, nothing could've quite prepared him for the sight of Stephen being held at gunpoint, eyes hollow as if his soul had long since vacated his deteriorating form.

Needless to say, he somewhat regretted his decision.

-

In the past, Stephen had jokingly referred to Hosuh had an angel or some creature of a similar sentiment, usually with the singular intent of earning a reaction from him, but never had he meant it quite as literally as when he saw him standing in the doorway, exterior light pouring in around him, face ever so slightly flushed from the cold, draped in what might've been his jacket, he was too far gone to tell from where he stood.

He shouldn't be here. He could get hurt, and good lord that was the last thing he wanted, flowers seemingly returning at a rate far faster than he was prepared for at the mere prospect of potentially losing him.

Maybe such things cause him to flinch, he wasn't quite sure. Everything seemed to go all too fast for his oxygen-deprived brain to properly process before things far beyond his control were already set in motion.

But if there was one thing he could be sure of through the haze of flowers and already dull lighting was the clear cut sound of what was definitely a gunshot.

What was odd though was the fact he himself was in no pain other than the flowers that were a day away from killing him, just about able to make out the figure of the boy who'd formerly been standing at the door as he fell to the grimy floor with a resounding thump.

He tried to scream, but all that came out was a choked sob that vaguely sounded like his name, assailant seemingly panicking at the presence of a third party and bolting out of the door.

Stephen fell to his knees, pulling the fading form of his friend into his lap as he muttered things about wanting him to stay and not leaving just yet, trying his hardest to stop blood from pouring from the wound that'd taken root in his collar.

Despite the crimson flowering on his t-shirt and the panic-stricken nature of the way the younger spoke, he seemed awfully calm, shushing him gently as if he was getting worked up about nothing, dwindling cornflower eyes teary and pained but oh so loving in a way they'd always been but Stephen had failed to really take in before.

"It's alright, Stephen..." He smiled wearily up at him tired in an ever-present sense that seemed to have become oh so accented in the last few minutes, unobjecting as the other brushed his warm grey hair from obscuring his pale face "You'll be okay."

"But you won't" Stephen managed to get out, aiding the older when he attempted to grab hold of his hand, holding it close as if letting go would be letting go of the life he still held onto by frayed threads "Please, Hos, stay with me."

"I wanna tell you something..." He was fading fast, grip faint and barely anything in comparison to the younger, neither of their hands entirely steady but still clinging to a diminishing semblance of comfort in a barren wasteland of horror "Before I have to go..."

"Stephen, I..." Hosuh began, hesitance subsiding in favour of a finality that the other never wanted to hear in his voice yet could only listen to intently as he uttered what could very well end up being his final words on this fleeting plane of existence "I love you, Stephen... I love you so, so much..."

The words ricochet through his skull, soft and gentle in their execution but lethal in effect. It was different than earlier, and it wasn't because it was face to face or because he heard the words rather than read them. It was because he finally believed they were true, a factor he hadn't yet released played into the equation, too lost in the panic to notice all too much.

Despite the severe gravity of the situation, a feeling of clarity washed over him, finally able to breathe in a full breath of air, achy and still a little scratched up on the inside but alive and breathing nevertheless.

"I love you too..." He whispered, slightly choked but far clearer than anything he'd been able to utter in months, falling only on deteriorating ears in the dingey restroom.

But this clarity was short-lived, Hosuh going limp in his arms as the last sparks of consciousness dwindled out completely, helpless and bleeding out on the cracked tiles of a gas station miles away from home.

He was distantly aware that someone had opened the door again and had begun asking various questions, and maybe he answered them, but he was too lost to everything that all he could recall from that moment was the dying form of the boy he'd only just learnt loved him back arguably as much as he did.

Later he would learn that the person had been the casher who'd heard a gunshot and gone to see what happened and had also been the one to call the ambulance. If he'd been processing everything properly he would've tried to do the same, but his phone lay unanswered in his home, cracked and gathering dust.

Another thing he could vaguely recall was thanking them profusely, something he'd never admit to on his own terms but far too delirious to even care before getting into the vehicle, fully intent on never leaving Hosuhs side ever again.

Of course, he was inevitably shooed off by doctors who he had to admit, were only doing their jobs, and thus he was relegated to the waiting room where he would remain for an unknown period of time, staring down at the worn, gum-covered carpet rather than making eye contact with anyone else present, fully aware he definitely looked peculiar with eyes still puffy and red from crying and dulling crimson staining his t-shirt.

An idea came to him, half-heartedly slipping a hand into his pocket and becoming somewhat surprised when he did in fact find a few loose pennies, standing all too abruptly before sheepishly wandering out of the doors that led outside, only notice by people who briefly glanced up from the devices or newspapers they stared down at who couldn't care less what he was doing as long as it had no effect on them.

It somehow seemed darker out than when he'd gotten here, which might've just been the adrenaline wearing off a little, but was noticeable never the less as he hazily dawdled along a pathway still confined to the premise of the hospital, walls and posts littered with flickering daisy white lights that gave everything an unwarranted heavenly hue, some of which could probably be attributed to his slightly blurry vision.

Stephen eventually found what he was looking for, a payphone on the outskirts of the establishment, slightly shielded from the main entrance, hidden away for either convenience or privacy reasons, he couldn't quite tell, nor did it really matter.

There were a lot of people he needed to talk to right about now, most of whom being Hosuh who for obvious reasons he lacked the ability to facilitate, thus reasoning that second on that list would be Jay, wracking his brain for the correct digits to enter into the cold, worn down keypad.

It briefly dawned on him that it had to be midnight at the earliest by now as the dialling tone continued to ring, unanswered and repetitive, but such fears were cut short by Jay's voice cutting through the monotony, aged device taking a few seconds to start registering his words at a stable quality "Hello? Who is this? I swear if this is another telemarketer-"

"Hi, Jay... It's- It's Stephen..." For such a simple sentence, he was definitely struggling with it, quiet in a way that he was almost certain wouldn't be much more than a distant whisper through such an outdated machine.

"Oh, what's up? Why're you calling from someone else's phone?" He seemed to forget his own predisposed animosity towards him for a brief moment, going from relatively neutral to borderline hostile in a matter of seconds "What happened? You better not have hurt Hosuh."

"I didn't hurt Hosuh..." Stephen started, going on to explain in a rather brief manner what'd happened over the last few hours, glossing over a few things and stopping to collect himself a little as if Jay hadn't heard him at one of the lowest points of his life other than today.

"Jesus fuck- Do either of you listen to anyone?" Jay groaned, more tired than angry at this point, just about able to hear the robotic voice on the other end saying that the younger was running low on credit "I'll be there as soon as I can and see if I can get ahold of anyone at this hour, you just stay out of any more trouble."

"I will... Thanks, Jay..." Stephen spoke softly, fragile and delicate as if he was a child who'd just been yelled at for doing something stupid. Maybe that wasn't all too far from the truth.

Before any more could be said, a beeping resonated through the speakers, informing him that he had run out of funds and was now left to wander through the almost desolate complex back to where he'd been previously, cold beginning to seep through his jacket and get to him in a way that at the very least grounded him a little.

Just as he sat back down in an uncomfortable waiting room chair, a nurse strode into the room, appearance certainly a little ruffled but composure calm and almost entirely unreadable.

"Stephen Ng?" They asked, drawing his attention towards them as they beckoned in the direction of the hall they'd just come down from "Could you come this way please."

This was it, he supposed. The moment of truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never trust a chapter that has the word 'losing' in the title.


	7. Lovely Lavender Lament

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter >:)
> 
> (I forgot to write blood in as rainbow in the last chapter, sorry-)

Before entering, the nurse informed him that he was currently, by definition, alive and breathing, and maybe such things would've brought him relief if it weren't for them immediately adding that there was still a large chance that he'd never wake up, that he may not make it to see the light of day ever again.

Maybe they kept talking when they entered the room, but he couldn't make out a word that left their mouth as his gaze fixed onto the morbid centrepiece, surroundings warping away around him into nothing but a static of foreboding fear.

Hosuh lay all too rigidly in a starkly coloured hospital bed, deathly pale and oh so tired despite how slack his features were, illuminated almost ethereally by the harsh white light, all sorts of wires and tubes hooking him up to things he barely even began to understand beyond how much more they enforced that he was so far away no matter how close he was physically.

In some ways, he already looked dead. Lying there so artificially without even a hint of a rosy hue to his sickly complexion, finally at peace after worrying about someone who couldn't even bring himself to be honest until he was literally dying for so long.

Maybe he was crying again, that wouldn't be new, he'd been doing a lot of that lately. At least the nurse had exited at some point, leaving him to let it all spill out without anyone seeing, pulling a nearby chair closer to the bed so he could sit right at his side.

There was a jacket draped over the back, dark material jaded in certain areas, dotted with something that made it even darker but mostly salvageable. It could've just been passed off as some kind of fashion statement if Stephen didn't know exactly what it was.

He gently took Hosuhs hand into his own, limp and frigid, not quite deathly so yet but frighteningly unresponsive, careful not to disturb anything by doing so. It was all he could do, really, quietly hoping that he'd wake up soon, that he wasn't gone forever.

As had been expected, Jay was the first of their friends to arrive, but even then a good couple of hours had gone by, Stephen having almost drifted off on several occasions but not quite able to due to the looming terror that doing so would result in Hosuhs immediate demise.

At first, Jay had tried to remain firm with him no matter how genuinely distraught he seemed, but the tear streaks and the waver to his voice just seemed to wear him down, a truly disturbing feat if it was fake, dwindling rigidity only worsening when he saw their friend in such a state.

They sat in silence for a while, anxiously watching in hopes he'd show any signs of life beyond the slow beep of the heart monitor, Jay being the first to mutter anything into the enclosed space "I'm still mad at you."

"Valid..." Stephen sighed, neither gaze deviating far from Hosuh even when the sight became a little too much "You should be."

"I'm mad at Hosuh too." The first statement had been expected, he'd made no secret of it before now and circumstances were unlikely to change his transparency in such regards, but this was a new, unexpected turn.

"What? Why?" It would have sounded accusatory if he wasn't so spaced out, coming off as dazed and confused more than anything else.

"It's just, he can be so reckless sometimes, it's as if he has absolutely no sense of self-preservation..." Jay exhaled, undeniably upset but not quite vulnerable "I worry about him... But I never thought we'd end up here."

"I'm sorry... I should've put an end to this sooner..." The other seemed to open his mouth to say more, but decided against it, allowing the room to fall once more into a far less than comfortable silence.

Gavin was second to arrive, maybe half an hour after Jay, frantic and a little bit tousled, practically barging into the room, spooking both conscious parties, earning a sharp glare from Jay and a glance from Stephen that could only be summed up as defeated.

He seemed to want to speak, words just at the tip of his tongue but not quite able to reach actual vocalisation, frozen in place as he tried to process the sight before him. Throughout their entire lives, Stephen had never seen him quite so lost for words as he was at that moment. But then again, none of their friends had even been shot before, to his knowledge at least.

Over the ensuing hours, several familiar faces would pop in expressing similar levels of concern, but none could ever stick around for all too long, having their own lives to get back to after a while no matter how concerned they were for Hosuhs health.

For a while, there were at the very least 3 people in the room at one time, but as time ticked on, only two were ever consistent; Hosuh who still lay comatose, miles away in a realm of distant memories and nothingness and Stephen who no matter how much others tried to persuade otherwise, never left his side for more than a minute.

Unlike them, to him, it seemed as if life couldn't go on without him there, not until he was sure that he was safe and happy, and if that meant waiting forever then that meant waiting forever. It didn't matter if he could breathe now if he couldn't have Hosuh by his side.

Distantly, he was aware that such a mindset bordered on an unhealthy reliance and he'd probably have to come to terms with that eventually, but for now, he simply couldn't picture a life without him that didn't look as bleak as the linoleum flooring of the room he'd been stuck in for oh so long.

Stephen wasn't quite sure specifically how long it'd been when it finally happened, how long he'd been sat dormant in one of those block-coloured gumwood chairs you only really find in places like this, anxiously awaiting whatever fate lay just around the corner with nothing but the beeping out the heart monitor and the clock quietly ticking away on the wall for consistent company.

But specifics such as the passage of time seemed to mean nothing now that all he felt he had left were the withering flames of hope that he didn't want to admit were slowly being ebbed away at by the vengeful storm of doubt creeping in from the recesses of his mind.

How long had it been since he even looked up at his deteriorating form? When was the last time anyone came to check on him? Probably not as long ago as it felt like it'd been, but that didn't change how socially isolated he felt.

"Stephen...?" A soft, groggy voice muttered, so familiar that at first he whole-heartedly believed that it was merely a distant memory of better times replaying in his head, from times long before all he knew were flowers and heartache "Stephen?"

Yet the voice persisted, compelling him to check, to reinforce the belief that he was simply losing it a little, only for his previously vacant gaze to meet a familiar set of bewildered forget-me-not eyes, voice coming out shaky and foreign even to himself "Hosuh...?"

"What's going on? Why am I-?" Something reminiscent of recognition flickered across his features, cutting himself off and letting his line of sight wander down to his own lap as he tried to come to terms with everything in one go. Needless to say, that wasn't going to work. He was alive, but he'd already fully accepted death what only felt like moments ago.

Despite initially being slow to react, he swore he hadn't moved quite so fast in years as he practically leapt up from the seat he'd once been rooted to in order to embrace him, backing off slightly when he let out a small, pained whimper, muttering a quiet apology.

The position was a little awkward and badly executed, but he didn't really mind, more focused on not sobbing all too much as he fully took in that he was alright, that he was here and he wasn't just so far gone that he'd started hallucinating.

"I'm so glad you're alright..." Stephen choked out, melting into his arms when the other returned the gesture, both at least somewhat mindful of the wires "I don't know what I would've done without you here."

"I-it's alright..." Hosuh tired to soothe, voice holding a waver that implied he might've also been trying to tell himself that, younger adjusting himself into a position that was at least slightly more comfortable, a gentle hand coming up to tilt his head to face him, smiling up at him shakily "I'm still here."

"I love you so much..." Stephen basically sobbed, going to say more but being tenderly shushed by the other, expression genial and welcoming as he leant in close, planting a tentative kiss to his momentarily idle lips, pulling away to meet his gaze with eyes full of unshed tears and oh so much love.

"I know, Stephen, I know." He chuckled disjointedly, miraculously composed considering how close he seemed to breaking down, a genuine smile never quite leaving his lips "I love you too."

A renewed wave of tears returned to well up in his relieved lavender eyes, choking back a sob as he tried to retain at least some semblance of the dignity he may have once possessed "Oh, Stephen, I didn't mean to make you cry..."

"No, no, it's just- I'm so glad you're okay..." He sniffled, reaching up to place a hand over the one on his face, gaze meandering elsewhere as he tried, to no avail, to regain his composure "I thought I'd lost you... I-I thought you were gone..."

Hosuh gently shushed him, holding out his arm in a silent invite that he didn't have to sit rather uncomfortably on the edge of the bed, younger gladly accepting, holding him as tight as he dared, warm and safe in his arms as he held him back "I'm glad you're alright too."

He was pretty sure Hosuh was crying. His breathing hitched ever so slightly sometimes and his form shook a little, but that was alright, it wasn't like he was much better, silently comforting him to the best of his ability.

Neither was quite sure how long they stayed like this, content in each other's company, at ease finally as everything seemed to calm down at least for a brief moment, what was for certain though was that at some point or another they'd both fallen asleep in each other's arms.

Hosuh would be the first to wake up, unlike the younger, not having been up for several days straight, blinking hazily in the late morning sunlight filtering in through the curtains, a slight smile quirking the corner of his lips as he looked and saw Stephen still clinging to him, snoring softly as he slept soundly.

While he was glad he wasn't dead, glad he got to see the golden sunlight and feel the warmth of the one he loved, he couldn't help but be a little shaken by everything that transpired, biting his lip out of habit in some kind of vague effort to stop any tears from overflowing.

"Hey, Stephen? You in here-?" Gavin started as he slipped in at midday with dark circles under his eyes almost as dark as the carrier bag in his hand, stopping dead in his tracks when his gaze landed upon the figures curled up together on the far too small bed, older of the two facing away from him, fidgeting softly with the others lilac hair, sniffling softly.

"Hi, Gavin." Hosuh croaked, not moving from his comfortable position, voice wavering a little even if he was trying to disguise it "Try not to talk too loud, Stephen's asleep."

"Hosuh..." He muttered, footsteps shuffling closer as he mentally solidified the fact that he was conscious, that there was no longer a constant threat that he could fall away at any moment "You're alright..."

While the validity of such claims became a lot more dubious when his mental state was taken into account, the case still stood, he was awake and that was a fact that Gavin was quick to text to everyone who needed to know who he had in his contacts, leaving them to fill in the blanks for those he didn't have.

-

A month or so later they would find themselves sat in an indie little cafe that smelt like coffee and clementines shrouded in the warm honey glow of faulty lights and sitting on faux vintage chairs, chatting amongst themselves amicably.

Stephen found himself watching from afar, simply spectating as Hosuh laughed along with a joke someone had made, practically radiant in the cosy interior, the same as he'd always been yet entirely different at the same time.

Maybe he'd just spaced a little further than anticipated because the next thing he properly processed was the boy he'd just been fixated upon placing a gentle kiss on his cheek, attention snapping around to him, a cotton-candy flush now ever so prominent on his cheeks.

"Good to know you're back with us." He giggled, kissing him again but this time on the lips, pliant and welcoming to the touch but unable to not be a little stunned by the unprecedented boldness.

"Get a room." Gavin groaned from across the table, pretending to slam his head into the surface and almost knocking his drink over in the process, provoking a few of their other friends to make copycat remarks.

"Shut up." Stephen scowled, defensive and flustered, feigning offence when even Hosuh laughed a little at the conversation, standing his ground despite knowing such things were futile and ultimately harmless.

Even now, things were uncertain, nothing ever seemed to stay for long enough and he wanted everything to just go away at times, but maybe if he'd never started coughing up flowers he'd have never realised just how much Hosuh meant to him, never experienced the warmth of his touch to the extent he got to now.

In a world where nothing was set in stone and there was no way of telling where the road led to next, at least he had him to help him through those darker times, and he hoped he could provide the same for him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Then they fucked. The end. Idk how to end fics.
> 
> I hope y'all enjoyed this weird lil idea I had in November that eventually led to this and that I was able to draw at least a somewhat satisfying conclusion. It was never intended to be the longest fic ever- I did guess about 6-7 chapters so ig I was right in that regard.
> 
> This is officially the second multi-chapter fic I've finished and I must say, I like this one a lot more, shatterproof was rushed near the end and poorly planned from the start, but with this one most plot changes were made before the first part was even posted and it's just better written?? Like, I know it ain't a masterpiece but I've written so right shit in my life.
> 
> Also, unlike the other one, I didn't lose a lot of interest in the subject material right at the end so you bet I'm gonna write more, what else am I supposed to do in quarantine??? School work??? Ew, no.
> 
> Stay safe lads, gg.


End file.
